And on a different note....Rui-kun. *sighs* I haven't seen him for weeks and well, it's not doing well for me. I feel like I'm kinda liking him less and less, which makes me sad b/c he really is a nice (and hot LOL) boy that I could see myself having a nice relationship with. But it's weird. I feel like I'm looking for someone to have a future with, rather than just a teenage fling. I personally think I'm too young to be thinking like that but I can't help it. Broken hearts don't look fun.
I wanna be ok.
*curls up in a ball*
- Music:Blame It - Jamie Foxx featuring T-Pain
BUT....this week will also suck. *gasp* Because I have a bunch of other things to do, things I can't do (or it's better not to do) during school. Such as go to the doctor (ugh i'm almost 16 too...which means I'll soon have to do THAT...double ugh) and get my teeth x-rays (I hate those little ouchy plastic things!) and do GS homework (That Gold Award better pay off!!) and do regular homework (meh, not much so that's kinda ok) and.... So as nice as it is to not have to go to school, I still have crap to do. *pouts*
In other news, Elder Club has officially graduated! Congrats to all of them, though I miss them already. I have a feeling many of them will stay fairly active, and just as many will fade into obscurity. But we've had a good run and good luck to them and their future projects! (May I predict marriages and babies? LOL Leaving the Project will have some perks, I suppose)
Don't know what else to talk about. LOL Umm, I saw Rui-kun last wednesday~ I think he's pretty much quit Japanese class b/c money's tight in his family. So it was a nice surprise to see him at my school. We go to different schools, btw, he just comes to hang out with other ppl. He gave me a hug and it was nice. LOL Guess I still like him after all. Sometimes I feel like we click and other times, it's like, we're so different. Oh well, either way, I'm sure we'll stay friends. At least I hope so.
OH OH OH!!! Forgot part of the reason I wanted to post! I got my National Japanese Honors Society jacket yesterday. It's a track jacket and I'm so in love with it. It's a little on the big side but it's cotton so it might shrink anyway. Pics will follow soon, like in a few when I actually take pictures. LOL
( CLICKIE )
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- Music:YouTube surfing
To be honest, my life's been pretty mainstream. Nothing worth blogging about. Just too much school and too much free time. I know I'm contradicting myself but that's what it feels like. I'm constantly doing projects and homework but at the same time, I feel like I've been sitting around doing nothing just as much. LOL Could just be my lazy tendencies mixed with my desire to get good grades. Which reminds me that I got a 3.8 on my report card! All A's except for one B in math but I wasn't expecting anything more in that class. Highest GPA I've gotten in high school so far. I'm pretty proud of myself.
On to other stuff! I haven't been writing much, just too lazy. I love it but I'm so devoid of ideas. B/C I really hate writing the same stuff as other ppl. Even if I'm not doing it on purpose, it makes me feel like I'm copying them. Which brings me to my next point: I'm writing a het fic about me and Rui-kun. It's pretty lame right now though. It's purely for writing practice so no one's gonna get to see it! Except for Nee-chan, I think. I'm having mixed feelings toward him lately though. Sometimes I'm so madly in love and other times, I don't even want to think about him. B/C sometimes, he has that obnoxious boy-thing going on and it infuriates me. I hate it when guys are like that. I know I'm being unfair and the perfect boy doesn't exist without that side of him but grrrr.
Ok, that's all. Just wanted to confirm that I'm still around and stuff. Haha.
- Music:Lolita Strawberry in Summer - SweetS
Anyway (lol), I forgot to talk about seeing Rui-kun again this past week!! I hadn't seen him for two weeks before that b/c he had hives and didn't come to class. But he's all better now~ Yay for both of us. Haha I'm such a dork. We made curry in class (soooo good) and I went out before we started and bought some drinks. When our teacher told the boys that I bought it, Rui-kun opened up his arms and walked over to me. He started to grab me around the knees to pick me up but I screeched (not really, lol) and begged him not to b/c it was embarrassing to do something like that in front of our teacher and the other boy in our class. So it was my shyness, not his. Isn't it always? lol And once we were finished eating (well, not really cuz our teacher was cutting up some fruit for us), we were both sitting on the couch and he was kinda cuddling me. I think I was blushing....haha.
That's all for now.
PS. I finished watching the first 4 episodes of QED Shoumei Shuuryou!! I actually think it's pretty interesting, even though I only started watching it b/c of Ai-chan. I can so tell that Kana and Touma-kun are slowly falling for each other. Haha~
- Music:Konomama Zutto - Aoyama Thelma
After Japanese class today, I was saying bye to Rui-kun and he gave me my weekly hug. *squeals* But there's more.....he also picked me up and spun me around~ It was soooo.....kyaaaa!!! I'll admit that it scared the shit out of me when I realized I wasn't standing on the floor anymore but that was overshadowed by the awesomeness. LOL And then he was like holding me and petting my head. He was all, "You're so short. Poor baby." I almost died right there. Yeah, I am short. 5' and semi-proud of it. Haha while he's like 5'6" at least. Which is why I feel so safe and cozy~
I know, I know, it's not very interesting to read about me gushing about Rui-kun. Hahaha~
- Music:Tabidachi - Funky Monkey Babys
Yesterday was my weekly Japanese class and I got not 1, not 2, but 3 hugs from Rui-kun!!! *squeals* First was when he was gonna leave but then didn't. I was sitting on a couch and he came over with his arms open. I opened my arms too and he was all, "You're gonna make me bend down?" I was like "yeah", and I had on what I felt like was a flirty smile. LOL probably wasn't. Second hug came when we were just standing around and he came over and sort of pulled me into a hug. It was so cozy. Haha, I'm a dork. He was also telling me in a hushed tone that he couldn't believe that I had said something that I did during class. (Will talk about that after the hugs) Third was when he came back again later to give a check to my mom. I was stuck staying at this event last night and I hoped he'd have to stay too but he didn't. *pouts* But all the hugs were so great. I feel just a tad loved now!!! LOL
Ok, well that thing I mentioned earlier started out when someone in the class before us was still hanging around and asked me what grade I am in. I said 10th/sophomore and she was like (O__O) I was like, "I know, don't I look like I'm in 5th grade? Come to think of it, I probably look the same." She was all, "No you don't!!" Then I said...."Ok, fine. Maybe my boobs are bigger" That set off everyone. They (including Rui-kun, who laughed the hardest) all started dying of laughter.
Yeah, I'm done for now.
First of all, some shit that I'd rather not discuss happened at school. I'm making it sound worse than it really is. But to me, it's a big deal. So that's what really started the damn huge snowball of crap. So I was in a bad mood and crying when I got to the car, where my mom tried to help me, but I wouldn't let her. Boy, do I regret that now.
The one good thing was Japanese class. I ended up winning the game we played!! I was pretty happy but the school shit still prevented me from being as happy as I normally would be. But that's not even the best part!! The best part was......*drum roll* Rui-kun gave me a huge hug!!!! He was sad that he lost and then came over and hugged me. I hugged back (of course) and he was like holding me all lovingly. It felt so....comfortable and I felt so safe in his arms. Gahhh, I hope this is progress.
But now, my mom isn't speaking to me. We got in a fight (my fault) and it ended with her calling me ungrateful. We just stopped talking. I tried to apologize over and over but she said she doesn't want to talk to me. Fuck, WHY did I have to open my goddamn mouth and say that one thing?! I really wish we could make up b/c I really need her to just hold me and tell me everything will be ok. Even if it won't, I just need her to tell me that. Why do I let things come to this?
Damn, I'm crying again for the bazillionth time. Is life really worth all this pain? Is it?
I feel so tired now, even though I had two half days and a rally this week. LOL But it wasn't too bad overall. Not a lot of homework either!!! YAY~
OHHHHH~ I was so busy with homework yesterday that I forgot to share my good news about....RUI-KUN!!!! Yes, finally something good has happened. We were playing a game and I gave him two of the cards that both of us could have won. He was like, "I Love You". Yeah, he said it. Obviously not in the way that I would have liked but it still made my heart race.
We had a rally at school today. It was meh. Nice to be out of class but it was so hot. *pouts* But my friend had gummy bears, our rally tradition. Yummy. Each grade makes up a skit and does it for the whole school. The speaking parts are pre-recorded and the ppl just act them out. The sophomores (my grade) got disqualified though. B/C it turns out that two versions of the skit were recorded: one that makes fun of some teachers and one that doesn't. Someone burned the wrong disc and gave it to the ppl. Jeez, it was pretty sad. I felt bad for the girl who wrote it b/c she was crying b/c she worked really hard on it. It was pretty promising too. They made it like Gossip Girl with the talking person. Damn, I wish we could have seen it.
I don't know what else to talk about. I'm tired and itchy, very itchy. Eczema=ewww. I'm hella restless right now.
Forgot to mention, I almost got into a fight with my friend today. A physical one. She just likes to piss me off/argue with me, which I DO NOT like. But she can be a cool person so I try and let it go when she does upset me. So there's this hill-ish thing that leads down to the soccer field, which is basically next to the football field, which is where the rally was. Me and my friend didn't want to walk straight down it on the dirt b/c we didn't want to fall. Our other friend kept saying we were chicken or something like that. I was all, "I'll push your ass down the hill then!" She was all taunting me b/c she didn't think I'd do it. So then we started shoving each other a little. Same thing happened after the rally on the way back. But it was in the hallway while waiting for our teacher that I nearly lost my temper. She was just being so annoying that I told her to fuck off and leave me alone. Then she started getting all in my face and I DO NOT take that from anyone. (I like my personal space generally, and I don't like it when ppl try to intimidate me) So I started getting all in her face too. But I'm like a head shorter so it was a little weird. She started making little cracks about my height and I was very close to socking her in the stomach. I had a clear shot too. But I was able to calm down enough to go and hang out with my other friend without causing anyone any bodily harm.
Let that be a lesson, I may be small but I'm not one to mess with. I'm (usually) not afraid of "bullies".
Gosh, I hope I didn't scare anyone off though. LOL I won't beat you guys up!! Cuz I love you~
- Music:Whatever You Like - T.I.
Yup, another boring ass post about my sucky relationship-type thing. I swore I was going to try and post more about H!P but I don't feel like it right now. lol
Ok, well, I had some Girl Scout ceremony tonight and I saw Rui-kun there because his little sister is a scout. (Not particularly relevant but his little sister is adorable! She broke her arm this week falling off the play structure. She's in kindergarten, btw. Yeah.) I was just walking around and he came in the room, looking all hot and shit. He just said hi to me but when he saw our friend (the one from my other post), they ran to each other and hugged. She asked what he was eating (it was salad) and he gave her some. I wanted to fuckin scream right there. And that stupid-ass part of my brain convinced me it would be funny to say, "When's the wedding?" She looked at me blankly but Rui-kun got it because he pulled her closer and said, "Yeah, she's my love" She looked disgusted, though.
Why, oh why am I such a dumb-ass?! Why do I just let myself suffer and watch as the only guy I've ever really liked fawn over one of my oldest friends???? I'm a pretty sad person.
I'm gonna go bang my head on a wall now. *wanders off in a slightly frustrated state*
Oh, and shoutout to Nee-chan: Comment, fool!!! *sticks tongue out*
- Music:19 Memories - Kato Miliyah
I'm too lazy to make a cut so everyone will have to see my monku-ing. (Complaining, btw, for those who aren't JA or Hawaiian, lol)
Well, today was....interesting, to say the least. I hung out with Rui-kun (I know, it's weird that I still see him so much, even after all that's going on in my head) and our other friend after a church service (I'm kinda Buddhist, btw.) We were standing outside the church talking and he kept on hugging her and putting his arm around her. She didn't like it that much but I couldn't help but feel jealous. Inside, I wished he was touching me like that. (Not meant in a pervy way but now that I think about it....) Damn hormones! (LOL) We all walked down a few blocks to Japan Town where Aki Matsuri (Fall Festival) was going on. (On a side note, it kinda sucked because it was veeery geared towards little kids. But there was some cool music)
I had mentioned that I wanted to go to Kinokuniya bookstore and look at magazines (I was specifically looking for that issue of An Weekly with Mikitty on the cover. Didn't find it. Damn.) so our friend suggested that we all go there together. We talked the whole way about the good old days when us and the rest of our pretty close-knit crew all went to the same school and saw each other everyday. Somehow, we got on the topic of when Rui-kun and his little brother stayed at her house when their little sister was being born. I kinda wondered why he stayed at her house, of all ppl. Not that there's anything wrong with that but it just seemed rather peculiar to me. We shopped around a little (with Rui-kun pointing at magazines and asking us to find him girls like that :0) and then our friend's mom called her to say that they were eating at a restaurant nearby. Rui-kun asked if he could eat with them because he was hungry.
I had to go so I said bye to them. Our friend was like, "See you on Friday!" because we have a thing going on then. Rui-kun was like, "Thursday!!", and did this cute little pointing thing. I just waved but my heart was going all "Doki Doki" inside. Once I was in the car with my mom, I was all, "They should just get married" and my mom agreed. I mean, their parents are friends and they get along quite well. Of course, I don't really want them to but if it happens, I'll be happy for them. Because that's what good ppl do. It goes with the whole, "If you really love someone, you'd want them to be happy, even if it's not with you". But I feel selfish and want him for myself. LOL
But I feel better than I did yesterday. Because I love my friend and she really is one of the nicest ppl ever. So if she got with him, I don't think I'd be as broken-hearted as I would if it was someone else.
- Music:Kioku no Meiro - High-King
( Boys are so... )
- Music:Romance - Morning Musume
Wow, this journal has turned a lot more personal than I intended. But I've found that I need to write out my thoughts. It helps.
On to H!P news!!
Sayumi's coming out with a new PB, "Love Letter" on 9/29 and a Guam DVD, "Love Story" on 10/1. How appropriate with the Cinderella Musical just ending last month. Man, I must admit, I think Sayu makes the greatest PBs. Seriously. She's by no means my favorite member but she just looks so damn hot!! Foreal, her creamy skin and jet-black hair......*drools* Perfect Japanese woman by all means. Especially her "Dark Sayu" attitude!! I love it!! Anyway, her body is...tight but soft, you know? God, I sound like such a perv. (Which I am so nevermind) She just looks so irresistable!! And Guam means....more bikinis!!! WHOOOO~
Haromoni@ is ending soon, on 9/28. Which kinda sucks but I'm hoping they come up with something even better. But now that it's ending, it seems to be getting more interesting. I do like the idea of the different costumes every week. It's cool and keeps it that way. I still download it every week and intend on ripping them to a DVD and creating my own kick-ass case design. Cuz I'm pimpin. Back on topic, our beloved show, as well as Berikyuu, is to be replaced by Yorosen, a new show starting on 10/6. Wonderful Hearts (Momusu, Berryz, C-ute, Mano Erina) will be our entertainers. Meh, I'm not a huge fan of the Kids so I'm still skeptical. I mean, I like them but I like Momusu and Elder Club better. Hope it's good!!
Feeling kinda lazy so I think I'll stop here.
Future posts: Single Daizenshuu review!! I promise I'll get around to it eventually!!
- Music:Panpan Cake - Tsukishima Kirari starring Kusumi Koharu
If you want to hear me rant about my love life (or lack thereof), proceed.
I'm gonna go take a shower now, so I can hide my tears.
edit: Oi, I hung out with him today. I had to go to school to talk to my counselor about my schedule and my mom invited him because she knows he's bored all the time. So we, along with my friend who I gave a tour of the school to, went there and walked around. We weren't acting particularly close but I feel slightly better now. We ended up picking up another mutual friend and driving over to his house. He still has no clue that I'm madly in love with him, I'm sure. But one day, I'll get the confidence to tell him. Maybe.
- Music:Love is... - Kato Miliyah
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